Why do I keep playing these apps?

I have spent far too much time in recent days playing pointless, mindless apps that I've found on Facebook and in other places, most notably Candystand. I usually play them while I'm doing something else, like waiting for another program to finish running at work or talking on the phone. But once in awhile, most often very late at night when I should be sleeping, I find myself going back for just one more game. And then I'm on for another half hour.

The behavior is entirely non-goal-oriented. I get no thrill from beating a previous high score or besting friends. To be honest, I really don't know why I keep playing these things. They aren't really doing anything except wasting brain capacity on something with no redeeming value. I try to make excuses. I mean, I mostly play puzzle games, so they've got to be sharpening my mind in some way, right? But I know that's not why I'm playing them.

So what is it about these little flash apps that keeps me coming back? Is it that I need my brain to be stimulated in some way other than watching the status bar on a program? No. I mean yes, I do, but that's not the reason. Is it that I'm trying to stay up too late yet again? Certainly not.

I suppose it's really the total pointlessness itself that draws me. There is no pressure involved. There is no goal to achieve. There is only the game, and the outcome matters little. The game eases my mind. It forces me to take a bit of focus off the mundane existence into which I've fallen. There are no consequences for poor performance.

I suppose it comes down to my personality type.

Psychologists classify personalities into one of four broad categories, and the one into which you fall is mostly determined by genetics and is etched into the biology of your brain (according to a recent study). The four types:

• Harm avoidance
• Reward dependence
• Novelty seeking
• Persistence

I fall squarely into the harm avoidance category, which is characterized by "pessimism and shyness". One of my primary motivators, I've found, is the avoidance of negative things. I get this from my mother, who is much more extreme than I am. I annoy myself with it sometimes. I don't take risks for fear of failure. I am hesitant to speak up when I know an answer. I am made to feel foolish very easily. My choices are often determined by how much harm they could potentially bring rather than how much benefit they could bring. I look for comfort zones, and when I find them, I like to stay there. I underestimate myself and other people constantly.

Now, these traits have kept me out of trouble in some ways. I don't drink or use drugs, for instance, and I am usually prepared in some way for worst case scenarios. But they've also hindered me quite a bit in life. My ex-wife is a pure novelty seeker, and novelty seekers really do not mix well at all with harm avoiders. I wanted to pursue a career in music, but I could not stomach the uncertainty. I miss out on opportunities because I don't even see them in front of me.

I know these things about myself, yet I find it incredibly difficult to change them. Do I accept that I am like this and live my life as I am comfortable, or do I continue to try to change myself to become what I perceive as better? Is the latter simply a futile effort that will only leave me frustrated or disappointed, or is that very view a product of my personality?

I do know that I gave it my best shot while I was married. I really did try hard to change. Ultimately, I always fell back into my natural behavior. Can I accept myself as being less than my ideal self? Should I?

I really don't know the answers.